Abundance

Hello My Friends,

As the New Year rapidly approaches my excitement builds. You see, I've allowed 2010 to get me down. Yes, allowed. Because although I couldn't control some of the things that happened in my life, I had the choice as to how to respond. And I'm not proud of some of those choices I made.

And now I'm ready to reclaim my power. To rediscover my spirit. To fly. To soar. No excuses. Now to some of you (and maybe even to me) this may sound like the whole 'new year's resolutions' routine. For me the difference is in the INTENTION. I plan to take one day at a time but I have a plan.

This year I am embarking on a journey of creativity. I've committed (to a friend and to myself) to a 365 project. It's actually a two-fold project. Each day I will do one creative pursuit - there may be a theme some weeks or it may just be whatever moves me on a given day. AND I'm starting a 365 photo project.

One of my friends commented that for her it would be a burden and that she has to focus on her job search. I completely understand that this might not be something that appeals to everyone. Heck, my friend Journey has encouraged me to do this for years before the time actually seemed right for me. Heaven knows that I too must place my job search in a priority position.

BUT that is exactly why I'm undertaking this creativity project NOW. Because my decision to do so is an affirmation of ABUNDANCE. I could say 'oh, I don't have time.' But I do. I have 24 hours in my day, just like everyone else. By MAKING time to do something creative every day I am acknowledging the abundance of time to do this and to do my job search (and eventually my JOB). I could use the lack of funds as an excuse. But I believe that what I need will be available and the ability to create within the bounds of my financial limitations will be a good exercise for other financial decisions.

I feel that this creativity project will give me a break from the 'shoulds' that chase me when I am hunting for a job. It will give me a window of time that I come out of my fear of joblessness and focus on that which I can control.

I do feel like taking on this project will give me a sense of being in control of some part of my life. Because anyone who has ever spent any time doing a job search knows that the ultimate "you're hired" announcement can only be decided by someone outside ourselves. I can do my best but I can't MAKE someone hire me. This project will put me in charge of an aspect of my life. What do you do to feel in control when life tosses things into your path?

What are YOUR plans for 2011? I'd love to hear all about them.

Looking forward to a rewarding and abundant New Year. And wishing all of you the same.

Susan's Parting Gifts

Hi again... I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and are as excited about the pending arrival of 2011 as I am. Now I know why the New Year is often symbolized with a little old guy/baby in a diaper (so maybe it's the 'out with the old/in with the new' but that baby really looks like a senior citizen)!

As you know - 2010 has been a crummy year. Sadness. Loss. Etc. By now everyone has surely heard me say how difficult it was to lose my sweet friend, Susan. Susan *LOVED* to give gifts. She was one of the most generous people I've ever known. She was also extremely creative.

And even in her illness, Susan managed to give me two last gifts. The first: she asked her daughter to have me contact a group of her friends...her "sister friends" with news of her illness. Because these ladies were so special to her they were on her mind even as she was facing the news of a terminal illness. And in her request that I notify them, she opened the door for me to get to know these lovely friends of her's. They have been lifesavers to me...we've joined together in our grief and in our fond memories of our shining Susan. And from that we've also found other common interests. I can see why Susan loved these gals so much. They are kind, generous, supportive, and encouraging. I feel very fortunate to have found their light in a time of such darkness.

The second parting gift: a reminder that life is so short and that I want to live in a way that when my life is over I'll be able to say "that was a good life."

So as 2011 approaches I'm excited about what the future holds in store. I know it's not going to be a perfect year. None are. But my plan is to make every day as special as I possibly can.

Thanks, Susan, for these gifts.

Once upon a time...

Hello. I'm glad you're here.

Have you ever had a time in your life when you keep getting glimpses of the you you used to be? That might be a good thing. Or it might not. I guess it depends on what era of your life you recall and if you were happy with the you you were at the time.

The last few weeks I've been getting little reminders. They pop up in conversations or come in messages. It all started a few weeks ago when my buddy Mark posted something on my FB page about the happy & crazy girl I used to be. Huh? Who? Me. Oh, well, he knew me when I was 19 and dating his younger brother. So yeah, I guess that description fit. I kind of liked that glimpse of my past.

Then I went to Asheville. While I was waiting in the airport for Mavis to arrive I wandered around the magazine shop. The travel magazines caught my attention. Hey. I used to love reading those travel magazines and dreaming of the trips.

Yesterday in a conversation with my aunt I mentioned moving to Florida. I wanted a job with the FDIC there. I really wanted a particular job. A lot. I called the office and was told there were two positions doing that job. Both were filled by people who loved their jobs and weren't expected to leave. I kept checking back. Often. After a few months I got a phone call - they had allocated a 3rd position in that department. I was invited to interview. I got the job. I LOVED that job. It was my favorite job EVER. But I also love that once upon a time I was gutsy (insane??) enough to move to a place where I knew no one, with no job only a dream of a certain job. And I was persistent. And I got the job.

I found a notebook that I used to keep. It had a list in it of things I wanted to have and to do. It was written in the early 90s. The notebook had long been put away but at some point in the decade and a half since I've accomplished almost everything on that list.

For many years I was a person who sent birthday cards and wrote letters and thank you notes. I kept in touch with people. I've fallen out of those habits.

So...2011 is only 11 days away. Nothing says 'new year' like becoming the person I used to be.

If you read this (and I hope you will) please email me your address, your birth date and your other special dates. I don't know where I'll be living but between reading travel magazines, working my dream job (whatever THAT turns out to be) and being the happy crazy person my friend Mark would recognize - I'll write you a letter. Or send you a birthday card.

Tryin' to get the feelin'

Hello again,

Here it is...only DAYS from Christmas. And still, no sign of that Christmas spirit. It's not for lack of trying. Believe me.

I've done some wonderfully festive things this year. Grove Park Inn to see the entries in the National Gingerbread House competition. Here are two of my favorites

Not your typical gingerbread house by any stretch. I loved seeing the entries. Next year I would like to go back earlier in the season. The competition is held in mid-November and from what we were told, many of the entries are removed before Thanksgiving.

I'd also like to TRY my hand at a Gingerbread House next year. My friend Mavis decorates one every year with her family. Sounds like a fun tradition. Does your family have any holiday traditions?

But still...no Christmas spirit.

Then to Biltmore House for the Candlelight tour. It was stunning. They didn't allow photographs inside and b/c I didn't have a tripod my outdoor pictures weren't that good. The Biltmore House hosted 52 Christmas Trees this year. One of the attendants said that only one was a live tree. It was HUGE. It was decorated with full-size packages. I thought the swags were actually prettier than the trees. Another feature that I enjoyed was they had couples dressed in formal-wear doing the waltz and other period dances. That was lovely.

But still...no Christmas spirit.

Yesterday my sister and I went to see White Christmas at the Tennessee Theater. What a fantastic venue. Again no photography was allowed inside. Bah! It was my first time seeing White Christmas (yes, first time EVER). I loved the costumes. And the dance routines. And Bing Crosby's voice. I thought if anything would get me in the holiday spirit it would be hearing him sing because his Christmas album was always a holiday favorite in my parent's house.

But nope...still no Christmas spirit.

I've been reading lots of holiday-themed books: two by Richard Paul Evans (The Christmas List and Finding Noel), Comfort and Joy by Kristin Hannah, and Silver Bells by Luanne Rice.

The cd player in my car has been loaded with Amy Grant and Vanessa William's Christmas cds.

All of this and STILL no Christmas Spirit. So you know what? I think I've been looking for that excitement that I had about Christmas when I was a kid. That breathless magical feeling. Maybe it's a feeling you only get when you are a kid or when you have kids? I don't know. But as Barry Manilow says - "I've been up, down. Tryin' to get the feelin' again."

I may not have gotten the Christmas spirit but I've done some fun and festive things. So I guess it's all good.

I hope YOU are feeling the magic of the season.

Happy Holidays, friends.

I think I loved you before I met you...

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for stopping by to visit. It makes me happy that you are here.

Several years ago a group called Savage Garden recorded a song "I think I loved you before I met you." It's one of those songs that there are probably a lot more people who like it than who actually ADMIT to liking it. But I've never shied away from admitting my pedestrian taste (I have long acknowledged my love of Barry Manilow and YES, I still have and listen to Donny Osmond cds LOL). But that's not what I'm really writing about tonight. My seemingly-questionable taste in music may surface again sometime but for now...

Do you believe in love at first sight? Isn't that what the title would indicate? Now, I know love-at-first sight usually conjures up the romantic type love between a man/woman (or for same-sex couples a woman/woman or man/man). And yes, I do believe that romantic love-at-first sight exists (for both gay and straight couples).

More interestingly (to me - because I'm not in a place where romantic love is particularly on my radar) I experienced love-at-first-sight last week. It was a building. For several years now I have been enamored of the Arts & Craftsman period architecture. So when Mavis, Jackie, and I went to the Grove Park Inn in Asheville to see Gingerbread Houses I discovered a bonus. The Grove Park Inn is the most incredible example of Arts & Craftsman design I've ever seen (in person or in pictures).

If this building were a person, I would want to spend my life with it. I love the clean, straight lines of the detailing. I love the furnishings. I love the beamed ceilings. The windows. The doors. All of it. I was so awed that I didn't even get any pictures of the interior.

I've felt this 'loved you before I met you' about cities (Charleston, SC) and regions (Tuscany). I have experienced it with friends who I knew an instantaneous connection with. I have even had glimpses of it with romantic partners (no need for names here since obviously they didn't last LOL). But I had NEVER felt it for a building before.

Have you? What aesthetic style moves you? And why?

Oh, and just so you know...it doesn't really even surprise me. I discovered that I love architecture and beautiful woodworking when I was in middle school. I remember having to do a research paper in 8th grade and I did mine on architecture. I had a brief period where I thought that would be my career, until I discovered the amount of math required.

I think that this Grove Park Inn experience was to remind me of dreams. I used to dream of traveling to lovely locations. I had forgotten, until recently, how much I used to enjoy reading travel magazines. I haven't done any real traveling in ages now. I also have dreamed of someday getting a craftsman style home and refurbishing it.

What dreams do you have? Any that you've put aside? What should we do to rekindle those dreams? To move towards them? Or is it enough to HAVE the dreams without needing to actively pursue them?

Whatever your dreams - I hope you someday live them.

A return to gratitude

Hello Everyone,

It's been quite the day. After 6 months of hating my job progressively more each day, I walked out today. With no other job lined up and limited resources in the bank, I quit. As I was gathering my stuff my head was yelling 'hey, HEY, what are you doing???' but my heart was singing Halleluah Chorus.

And you know what I'm feeling tonight? A tiny twinge of fear that accompanies uncertainty but mostly the HUGEST sense of gratitude. Because as several people have commented, I've taken a leap of faith and opened my life up to allow good things to come in.

For over a year I kept a gratitude journal. Even when my mom and Tyler died, I was able to find things for which to be grateful. I kept it while my marriage officially ended. I kept it while I was struggling to find a job and a place to live in Knoxville. But after a month on my last job I was unable to write FIVE things every day for which to express my gratitude.

Losing Susan has reminded me that life is short. Life is precious. Entirely TOO short and too precious to surrender my gratitude. So. Tonight I turn my face forward - towards good things.

Including a return to my gratitude.

Thank you so much for stopping by. I am grateful you did. I hope your life is filled with a sense of gratitude. Tis the season.

Be Blessed, Dear Friends. I know I am.

Is this REALLY necessary?

Happy Almost-Winter, Dear Friends,

The "almost" part is particularly laughable to me tonight. I was able to leave work at 4:15 today instead of my normal 8pm. About 1/2 way home the roads were a solid sheet of ice. I ended up parking in a grocery-store parking lot, piling on all of the winter clothes I had in my car, locking up and walking about 3 miles home, including two LARGE hills because cars were sliding all over the place.

I'm supposed to be back at work at 8:30 tomorrow morning and I just don't see THAT happening. Especially since I would have to walk those same 3 miles in temps that are supposed to be in the teens, with below-zero windchill factors. It's supposed to snow all night tonight. Uh, no, don't believe THAT walk is going to happen. And even if it did, I'm not sure I could make it back to work b/c the roads between the parking lot and work were BAD tonight and will likely only be worse in the a.m., right?

I promised everyone who knew me that after this past summer of horrible heat I would not fuss about the winter's cold. I regretfully announce that I lied. I don't mind cold but I freakin' HATE me some snow - especially when I have to drive in it.

Must I *REALLY* live in a place where it snows? Or if I must live in a place where it snows, might I at least wish for flat roads and lovely public transportation? Because it's looking like a L-O-N-G winter at this rate. Oh...wait...winter hasn't arrived yet. Sigh!

But I must say, I'm grateful to be home, with my cats, in a warm house (thanks to an emergency repair to my furnace this past week).

I hope you are warm, safe, dry, and happy. And I hope that spring comes FAST.

A reminder

Hello again,

Reading of Elizabeth Edwards' death today made me sad. For her family, for those who knew and loved her and for those she inspired.

But her death also reminded me... life is short. We've all heard the sayings about it's not how many breaths you take that count but how many things take your breath away.

I'm sick and tired of being in this funk that I've fallen into. It's time to start living out loud again. Not just watching it go by and planning to be happy when....

It's time to be happy NOW.

Stay tuned....