What I'd REALLY like to know about you...

Hello again,

I'm so happy you've stopped by again. It's an honor to me to think of you taking time from your day to visit my blog.

As you've probably figured out by now, my blogs are mostly about whatever is on my mind at the moment I sit down at my computer. And this morning, as I sit in my fuzzy pink pjs with an orange tabby drapped across my right arm, I'm wondering about YOU.

Anyone with an email address has undoubtedly received at least one email that asks you to answer questions about yourself and forward to everyone you've ever known. The questions range from what you're wearing (which is why I mentioned my pjs, in case you were wondering) to what you ate last, what your middle name is, etc. But the truth is - does ANYONE really care about those things? I love my friends - I truly do - but these questions don't help me to know the person or what matters to them or how they think or feel.

So today I'm going to ask things that I DO want to know about you.

I was reading Inner Excavation (by Liz Lameroux) yesterday. In one section the author talked about our daily routines that sustain and nurture our spirits. It could be taking a walk in nature or yoga or prayer or...so...

1) Do you have daily routines designed to nurture your spirit? If so, would you share them with me? And how did you create your routines? Was it pre-planned or did they just sort of happen?

As most of you know by now I hate my job. Truly detest it. I don't like being yelled at by dissatisfied customers. It drains me. I hate the time spent in a cubicle, having every minute monitored. The pay stinks and the hours stink more. But what I HATE most about my job is that I don't feel like what I'm doing matters. It doesn't, in any way, make the world a better place. Not even for a minute. I try to at least contribute something by being nice to the callers, in hopes that a pleasant voice will at least make a moment of their time less stressful. But what I really want is to have a job where each day I've contributed something meaningful. And perhaps made someone's life better.

2) Do you feel like your job matters? If so, how? If not, why not?

I know one of you (and most of you will know who I am talking about) has a career where on a regular basis she touches the lives of students. I am sure there are days (or perhaps semesters) where she grows weary of having freshmen (or sophmores or seniors) gaze dully because they are only their for the required credits. But I also know - first hand - that this particular instructor has the ability to really IMPACT lives. To instill a passion for a subject or for learning in general. On the days where the meetings are tedious and the hours are long, I hope you remember that people like me are FOREVER grateful for the experience of being in your classs.

I realize that there are many ways to contribute to the greater good that don't involve the hours served at work. So...question #3

3) What do you do in your life (outside of work) that allows you the satisfaction of knowing you've contributed something? How did you become involved?

In the book I just finished Saving CeeCee Honeycut the main character was a 12 year-old girl whose mother was mentally unstable and who died, leaving the child confused and angry. I loved the book for many reasons but one of them was that the story was really about the power of women to make a difference. One of the primary characters was CeeCee's great-aunt Tootie who adopted her. Tootie encouraged CeeCee to find her 'fire' - her passion for something that would give her life purpose & meaning.

Now, I know my Mom loved me. Alot. But I don't recall her ever suggesting that finding one's passion was important. Maybe she didn't have one either. So, I'm turning to you, dear readers, and asking

4) How on earth do you find your passion? Your purpose? (I know this is a repeat of question #3, but as the title above suggests I'm asking questions that I REALLY want to know. :)

5) Did you have women (or men) around you who encouraged you to live out loud? Who were they? Did they teach by example or merely by words?

In my undergrad & graduate classes these were called 'essential questions.' I guess that's because they require more than general yes/no answer.

Maybe you'll read the blog today and be bored silly. But maybe not. And maybe you'll take the time to comment with your answers. Or maybe not. But these are the things I'd REALLY like to know about you.

And if you want to share your middle name, what you're wearing and what you had for breakfast this morning too, I'm fine with that.

You've gifted me with your company today. I'm grateful.

Hope you have a lovely day, full of moments that matter and memories that keep.

Batteries charged

Hello again,

Yesterday I took the day to recharge my batteries. I decided that meant absolutely, positively no "shoulds" for me. Aren't 'shoulds' just the worst energy drains? Instead I focused all of my energies on doing things that nurture me.

Ironically that list included going to the grocery store and buying foods that are good for me! Fruit & veggies and some Quorn chickenless cutlets (if you've not tried them, I highly recommend). Cleaned my kitchen to make it user-friendly and actually prepared a meal last night. Do you know I had truly forgotten how to turn on my oven? Yes, dear ones, it had been THAT long! LOL Luckily the computerized screen told me to 'push start to turn on.'

I even baked a Sara Lee Sweet Potato pie. I love sweet potato pie - much better than pumpkin. The Sara Lee version tastes good and was easy to make.

I also sat around and read a lot. I finished Saving CeeCee Honeycut and then read Kristen Hannah's Comfort and Joy. Both were very enjoyable. Escapism at its finest.

A quick trip in the afternoon to Wally-world for a cozy blanket for my bed and a fresh new pair of fuzzy houseslippers was surprisingly easy. Their big sales ended at 11 and all of the crazies had migrated on to the next sale. No waiting in line! I'm just gonna say that I'd rather pay a wee bit more for what I need than to risk life & limb for the possible ridiculous bargain. If you were out in the Black Friday rush, I hope you got some incredible deals and survived uninjured.

My sister, Karen, called and invited me to come help her decorate her tree. I'm not a fan of tree-decorating so I declined. Karen & I frequently use the response from friends where Phoebe said "I wish I could but I don't want to." I love that line - no silly excuses, just straight-out there honesty. Why is it that we often feel the necessity to wrap our truths in flimsy excuses? I mean, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I have discovered that it works better for me to just say 'no thank you' to an invitation that doesn't appeal to me. If there really IS a reason I can't (or decide not to) do something, I will give it. But if it's just something I don't WANT to do, why make up something? In my opinion, no thank you seems much more honest. But I digress...

Fun time playing with my kitties and a couple of luxurious naps rounded out the day.

At the moment my batteries feel fully charged and I'm ready to face another day at work. What wonderful plans do you have for the weekend?

I hope that whatever you are doing, it brings you joy. And I hope that in these early days of the 'season of giving' you remember to give yourself some quiet time to relax & unwind.

Life is too short

Hi again,

I hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving. The best thing I can say about mine is that it's OVER. Please remind me to NEVER volunteer to work a holiday again. It's just not worth it.

Here's a realization I came to today (or came back to today)...life is too freakin' short to worry about stupid things, to be unkind to others, or to have to watch a clock every single minute.

Clocking in and out and marked off if I'm more than 60 seconds late returning from break is INSANE. When I say 60 seconds I mean because at my job they measure the SECONDS!!! Calls too have to be measured in minutes and seconds. And yet, if a call comes in at 1 minute before our scheduled departure time we are obligated to stay on the line for however long it takes to satisfy the customer. So clearly our time only counts when it's THEIR time. LOL

My days are measured in seconds, my seconds are spent staring at a computer with a phone attached to my ear. All of this just drains me sometimes. What are your energy drains? When I sign off tonight, I'm turning off my computer, turning off my phone (and possibly unplugging my clocks) until time to return to work on Saturday.

This will be my gift to my spirit - a chance to recharge my batteries. How do YOU recharge your batteries?

Be blessed my dear friends.

Happy Thanksgiving: Christmas CAN wait...

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends.

I hope that today you will have plenty of food and the company of loved ones with whom to share it.

I hope that you will enjoy some moments of peace even in the possibly hectic preparations of said food and loved ones.

And I hope you will be thinking about Thanksgiving, not about Christmas.

Forgive me for a bit of a rant here but can someone please tell me WHY Christmas has moved from the winter holiday celebrated in December to the retail madness that begins with decorations appearing in the stores while halloween costumes are still being selected by their little wearers?

And while you're at it - please advise WHY our society has become an immediate gratification, gotta have it NOW culture. Case in point...I'm working today so that we can support the merchants who are open on Thanksgiving. Don't get me wrong, I'm GRATEFUL for the overtime and don't mind working on holidays b/c I don't really have anywhere else to be - no large family waiting for me to put a bird on the table.

BUT (and isn't there always one?) it makes me nuts that businesses ARE open on Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. Tell me again why it is necessary for Walmart to be open on Thanksgiving instead of giving their employees the day of to be with family & to prepare for the madness that begins at 12:01 a.m. in their stores tomorrow?

I was talking about this at work recently. Recalling how not so long ago businesses were closed on holidays. When I was young (and even AFTER the dark ages ended) nothing was open on Thanksgiving. Not even gas stations. Or restaurants. There were no convenience stores open 24/7. Drugstores either. If you knew you were going to need something, you purchased it in advance - when the stores were open. If you didn't - you survived until the stores WERE open.

People planned ahead for their needs or they waited.

Anyone with a calendar, or a friend with a calendar, can check ahead and see that Thanksgiving falls on the 4th Thursday of November. Every year! Christmas is ALWAYS on December 25th. We know this. I can see no reason, other than greed, that grocery stores and 'box stores' (like Walmart) have to be open on Thanksgiving (or even 24-hours a day but I'll save THAT rant for another time).

Christmas shopping CAN wait until tomorrow folks. Heck, for that matter, the Christmas season CAN wait.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving. Tomorrow is soon enough for Christmas.

A reflection

Hi Dear Readers...

I've heard it said that the home is a reflection of the residents' spirit(s). This saying must be true. My house is a mess.

As a teen I always had the messiest room. Typical. Then when I was married (first time) my housekeeping habits improved. After my divorce it went down hill. Until I got a roommate. Then during the 2nd marriage I generally did a fairly decent job of keeping the house looking somewhat decent. Randy was much more into it than I was so I admit he did the lion's share.

When I moved here I started out keeping the house feeling homey and welcoming. Even it if it was just ME that was here, at least I felt welcomed. Lately though I can't seem to keep that up. It just seems like too much trouble.

This is NOT something I'm proud of. I've signed up for Flylady again. If you don't know Flylady check her out... Flylady.Net. The free site includes daily reminders about home maintenance tasks, menu planning, etc.

So far the reminders just sit, unread, in my email box until I go through and delete them.

What suggestions do you have, my friends, for developing habits that support the life you wish to live? I want a warm, friendly, cozy home and spirit.

I hope you are preparing to enjoy a holiday season of beauty, surrounded by love, light, laughter.

E

In the eyes of the beholder

Hello again,

I've been in a very self-reflecting mood lately. Perhaps it is the approach of the holiday season. More likely it is the result of saying goodbye to souls I love.

One of the things I've discovered about myself is that I only love my camera when it is pointed AWAY from me. I love being behind the lens. This realization came to me when I was out with some folks from my photo group. Our 'social director' was gathering us for a group shot. She said we have to have a picture - it's a PHOTOGRAPHY group. Yes, well, I prefer to take pictures than to be IN pictures. How about you? Which side of the camera do you prefer?

One of the girls in the group is doing a 365 day self-portrait project. That would be a level of HELL for me. She's young, creative, and stunningly beautiful. I might feel completely different in her place. I was reading about self-portraits recently and part of their purpose is self-reflection.

So in a DRASTIC step for me, today I am sharing with you a picture I made yesterday. When I look at my pictures I'm always critical. I see all of the imperfections of my skin tone, my wrinkles, my hair that needs coloring, etc. In this picture I still see all of those flaws but I realized the one feature I *DO* like about myself is the color of my eyes.

What can I say....it's a start.

What do you consider to be your best feature?
During the next couple of days I'm going to be making several pictures of myself - all with the intention of being 'before' pictures as I'm planning a 'refurbish' of sorts...giving some attention to those things that I can change in an attempt to accept the things I cannot change. I'm not planning to share those pictures here but I will keep you posted on my progress.

Now I am turning my camera back in the direction I love the most...my kitties...

One thought that has occurred to me during the past 24 hours is that I look at my cats and though they have 'imperfections' they are perfect to me. Dandy started life as a feral. When I did the trap-neuter-release they tipped his ear to mark him as a neutered cat. It doesn't take away from his beauty in MY eyes.

This picture of Dolly was made after the cancer changed the shape of her face. Her right cheek and jaw was distended. And while it makes me SAD to see the visible indications of the cancer that would take her, she is was still beautiful.

Whenever I looked at Dolly I always marveled at the splash of colors that made up her markings. I called it the Jackson-Pollock look: a slash of color across her nose & down her left cheek. A tail that went from b&w striped to yellow & white striped - with only a tiny tip of gray at the very end. Racoon markings on parts of her legs. These "imperfections" were stunning on her. And this is not just the bias of a Mama who loves her baby...people frequently told me what a beautiful cat she was.

So why then am I (are we all) so very critical of our own flaws? Human nature, I guess. As I said above - I'm still planning to make some changes to improve my own appearance (just to make me more comfortable in social situations) but one of the biggest challenges may just have to be to accept that which I cannot change - I'm not 20 anymore folks!

Thanks so much for taking the time to visit. I am happy you are here.

Lost and found...

This morning I am blogging just to put something that is stirring around in my head into words, in hopes of gaining clarity. Maybe my journal would be a better place for it but for some reason that mode of expression is unappealing to me today.

The past two years have brought me a series of losses that takes my breath away. And yet, somehow, this morning I'm seeing something else. So bear with me or ignore the post or whatever feels right to YOU. This one is for me. If you like it, I'm grateful. If you comment, I appreciate it. But, in the end, if it gives me clarity then I've found what it was I seek.

Lost & Found

*It started with the loss of a job
*I found I didn't really like many aspects of the job. I loved my littles. I loved some of my coworkers. I didn't love having to give kindergarten kids a grade on how well they colored. Or deal with parents who thought their little angels should be exempt from all expectations. Or bosses who were more worried about a library looking nice than serving the needs of the students.

*I lost my Tyler. I loved that little guy. He had been with me for 15 years. Good years. Bad years. He was gentle. He was sweet. He was beautiful.
*Through his loss I found my friend Barb. Barb is gentle, sweet, beautiful.

*I lost my mom. She was my family. My cheerleader.
*Through this loss I found a connection with my sister that had seemingly died years ago. I found a way to forgive her and her me for the choices we had made in the past.

*I lost some feral cats in my care. The first loss led me to dallying around the shelter on the day I dropped of the towels.
*Those extra minutes put me in the lobby to find Dolly.
*Another feral lost - Gigi - brought my determination to bring in her sibblings.
*Through her loss I found my courage to adopt Daisy and Dandy.

*I lost my credit.
*I found my ability to be resourceful.

*Recently I lost my Dolly to cancer.
*I found a vet who is kind and caring and will help me take good care of my Toby, Daisy, and Dandy.

The loss is still so new that I'm not sure what else I will find.

*Most recently I lost my special friend Susan. I'm still reeling from this loss.
*So far I've found that she bequeathed me a group of friends who loved her.
*I've found that laughter is something I must have.
*I've found that life holds no guarantees so I'd better use it up.

Another loss that hasn't had time to present its founds.

If given the chance I'd gladly reclaim all of the things and people lost but want to also keep the things & people I've found. So I will hold the memories of those lost close, cherish the gifts they have left behind.

And then -

they won't be lost after all.

Serendipity

Hello All...

As some of you may already know - I have TWO favorite words...

one is Serendipity - which is defined (on Dictionary.com) as being "an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident."

the other is Andiamo - which is Italian for 'let's go'

I love Italy, especially the Tuscany region. Whenever I think of Tuscany I always think 'Andiamo' because I really want to go back there.

This is going somewhere...I promise. Tonight I was prowling around on the Internet and decided to research the word Serendipity. I don't know why. I just did. I found that the word was coined by Horace Walpole and its first known use was in a letter to the Duchess of Tuscany. Okay, so I thought it was a pretty cool tie-in.

I've been thinking about Serendipity a lot lately. By the mere definition one cannot SEEK serendipity. I can immediately name FOUR outstanding examples of serendipity in my own life...

1) Once upon a time I had a fight with my ex (that would be Ex #1 for those of you who know me well enough to wonder). That fight led me to having no plans one Sunday. So I went to lunch with some friends. Where I met my friend Donna. Who became a fantastic, life-long friend.

2) I was supposed to go to a workshop but couldn't get the details arranged. So I ended up going to another workshop instead. Where I met my Old Same, Journey.

3) I got a speeding ticket. Which caused me to go to traffic court. Which required me taking the day off. Which gave me the time to go to the animal shelter to drop off some towels. Which led me to being there when my Darling Dolly was being surrendered.

4) I really wanted to go to a concert. None of my friends were attending. It was far away. Another girl, Beth, wanted to go but couldn't drive. I offered to pick her up. She cancelled. Which led me to be flying into Los Angeles and driving HOURS to a concert. Which meant I had to drive through mountains (which terrify me). Which led me to contact a total stranger to arrange a carpool. Which introduced me to my friend Susan. Who became a good friend.

None of these things happened when I was sitting at home (and two of them happened in far-away states). So see why I love Andiamo? Because when I go I encounter Serendipity.

That's not coincidence. It's serendipity; it's grace.

What has serendipity brought into YOUR life? And what are YOUR favorite words? Why? I hope you'll share them with me...they might become favorites of mine too.

Who knows...

Another day with no real pictures to post (I *promise* I will get them back in here soon, Old Same).

It has now been more than THREE weeks since I gave up my cable (and therefore, my television). I haven't missed it since the first day. But last night I dreamed that I hit the remote and was stunned to see a decent picture appear. Anyone want to analyze why I'm dreaming about TELEVISION? Who knows....

I had lunch with a friend yesterday. We've known each other for more than 20 years now. When we first met we were instant-best friends. Life got in the way and we lost touch for a few years. Even though I've been back in Knoxville for almost a year, it was the first time we'd seen each other since my return. Lunch was so fun and so easy. It was like we'd never been apart. How does that happen and since I know it does...why have I let a year pass without spending time with my friend? Who knows...

Why is it that something that doesn't bother you during the day seems so overwhelming when you're trying to sleep? Who knows...

Just pondering all of life's questions...what are some of the 'who knows' questions that circle around in your head? C'mon....you know you have them (LOL). I'd love to hear them.

Now for my big question of the day...what's for breakfast? Off to find out. Have a wonderful day.

For the Love of Susan (recycled post from 5/5/2009)

My heart is sad today. Last week my friend Susan was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Yesterday she passed away. Too soon. More than a year ago I had done a blog about my friendship with Susan. I wanted to post it again...

RIP SUSAN WILLIAMS. You will be forever a part of my heart. I miss you "dearling."

Original blog...

Have you ever met someone and you knew immediately that this was the start of a fabulous friendship? It's only happened to me a few times but today I'd like to tell you about one of the most memorable...

A few years ago I was...ummm...insane! Seriously. Okay, not really but looking back I'm fairly certain that a case could have been made. After watching American Idol I started attending A LOT of concerts of one of their previous runners up. I won't name names here but think long-haired rocker. In August 2006 I was scheduled to go to Oroville, California for a concert and realized I didn't know anyone going! Yikes...I was flying literally across the country to attend a concert. So my plans went back and forth and I was supposed to meet up with someone but that plan got changed about a day before I was leaving. So I emailed someone (Susan) that I'd exchanged a couple of emails with and said "I'm flying into LA...can I ride with you to Oroville?" I think it was about an eight hour drive (or so it seemed...if you've not been to Oroville, you wouldn't understand! LOL) Let's just say it's waaaaaaaaaaaay out in West-Nowhere! Does it sound strange that two strangers would agree to carpool for a drive that long? Oh it gets better...

Since I was flying into LA and Susan lived in a suburb...I suggested I would get a hotel close to her house to make pick-up the next morning easier. Being the amazing person she is...she suggested that instead I stay at her house! Now, her husband, son, and daughter were seriously concerned that someone they didn't know (and Susan didn't know) would be sleeping under their roof. Perhaps I should have been worried that I was going to be sleeping in the house with four people I didn't know too? (Evidence of aforementioned insanity!)

Luckily Susan and I hit it off right from the beginning! She's one of the funniest, kindest people I've ever met.

Okay, it would have been really kind if she had pointed out how unflattering my t-shirt tan line was in the shirt I wore to the concert! (LOL)

After the road trip to Oroville we returned to LA and then left the next day for a concert somewhere near Phoenix! It was on this leg of the journey that we discovered we both share a somewhat warped, twisted, sick sense of humor and were playing practical jokes on each other almost immediately. Silly things like Susan doing the "gaslight treatment" on me with her nifty steering-wheel controlled audio system. Or me moving her car while at a rest-stop. As her daughter says "good times!"

Sure, some people get their pictures made with a cactus or something when in Arizona but why not a scrap-metal horse

or a green dinosaur?

It's been over four years since that trip to California. Since then I've been out there three other times. The first time I returned I worried that we wouldn't have anything to talk about since we weren't being occupied by a concert but that worry quickly faded away! Whenever I visit we end up spending HOURS or DAYS talking about all sorts of things! I realize now that some friendships may start for a reason but are built to last for a lifetime! How lucky I am to have had a friendship that is so strong right from the beginning!!!

Thanks so much for stopping by to visit! I hope you are blessed with great friends! I'd love to hear about them!