In the eyes of the beholder

Hello again,

I've been in a very self-reflecting mood lately. Perhaps it is the approach of the holiday season. More likely it is the result of saying goodbye to souls I love.

One of the things I've discovered about myself is that I only love my camera when it is pointed AWAY from me. I love being behind the lens. This realization came to me when I was out with some folks from my photo group. Our 'social director' was gathering us for a group shot. She said we have to have a picture - it's a PHOTOGRAPHY group. Yes, well, I prefer to take pictures than to be IN pictures. How about you? Which side of the camera do you prefer?

One of the girls in the group is doing a 365 day self-portrait project. That would be a level of HELL for me. She's young, creative, and stunningly beautiful. I might feel completely different in her place. I was reading about self-portraits recently and part of their purpose is self-reflection.

So in a DRASTIC step for me, today I am sharing with you a picture I made yesterday. When I look at my pictures I'm always critical. I see all of the imperfections of my skin tone, my wrinkles, my hair that needs coloring, etc. In this picture I still see all of those flaws but I realized the one feature I *DO* like about myself is the color of my eyes.

What can I say....it's a start.

What do you consider to be your best feature?
During the next couple of days I'm going to be making several pictures of myself - all with the intention of being 'before' pictures as I'm planning a 'refurbish' of sorts...giving some attention to those things that I can change in an attempt to accept the things I cannot change. I'm not planning to share those pictures here but I will keep you posted on my progress.

Now I am turning my camera back in the direction I love the most...my kitties...

One thought that has occurred to me during the past 24 hours is that I look at my cats and though they have 'imperfections' they are perfect to me. Dandy started life as a feral. When I did the trap-neuter-release they tipped his ear to mark him as a neutered cat. It doesn't take away from his beauty in MY eyes.

This picture of Dolly was made after the cancer changed the shape of her face. Her right cheek and jaw was distended. And while it makes me SAD to see the visible indications of the cancer that would take her, she is was still beautiful.

Whenever I looked at Dolly I always marveled at the splash of colors that made up her markings. I called it the Jackson-Pollock look: a slash of color across her nose & down her left cheek. A tail that went from b&w striped to yellow & white striped - with only a tiny tip of gray at the very end. Racoon markings on parts of her legs. These "imperfections" were stunning on her. And this is not just the bias of a Mama who loves her baby...people frequently told me what a beautiful cat she was.

So why then am I (are we all) so very critical of our own flaws? Human nature, I guess. As I said above - I'm still planning to make some changes to improve my own appearance (just to make me more comfortable in social situations) but one of the biggest challenges may just have to be to accept that which I cannot change - I'm not 20 anymore folks!

Thanks so much for taking the time to visit. I am happy you are here.