Lost and found...

This morning I am blogging just to put something that is stirring around in my head into words, in hopes of gaining clarity. Maybe my journal would be a better place for it but for some reason that mode of expression is unappealing to me today.

The past two years have brought me a series of losses that takes my breath away. And yet, somehow, this morning I'm seeing something else. So bear with me or ignore the post or whatever feels right to YOU. This one is for me. If you like it, I'm grateful. If you comment, I appreciate it. But, in the end, if it gives me clarity then I've found what it was I seek.

Lost & Found

*It started with the loss of a job
*I found I didn't really like many aspects of the job. I loved my littles. I loved some of my coworkers. I didn't love having to give kindergarten kids a grade on how well they colored. Or deal with parents who thought their little angels should be exempt from all expectations. Or bosses who were more worried about a library looking nice than serving the needs of the students.

*I lost my Tyler. I loved that little guy. He had been with me for 15 years. Good years. Bad years. He was gentle. He was sweet. He was beautiful.
*Through his loss I found my friend Barb. Barb is gentle, sweet, beautiful.

*I lost my mom. She was my family. My cheerleader.
*Through this loss I found a connection with my sister that had seemingly died years ago. I found a way to forgive her and her me for the choices we had made in the past.

*I lost some feral cats in my care. The first loss led me to dallying around the shelter on the day I dropped of the towels.
*Those extra minutes put me in the lobby to find Dolly.
*Another feral lost - Gigi - brought my determination to bring in her sibblings.
*Through her loss I found my courage to adopt Daisy and Dandy.

*I lost my credit.
*I found my ability to be resourceful.

*Recently I lost my Dolly to cancer.
*I found a vet who is kind and caring and will help me take good care of my Toby, Daisy, and Dandy.

The loss is still so new that I'm not sure what else I will find.

*Most recently I lost my special friend Susan. I'm still reeling from this loss.
*So far I've found that she bequeathed me a group of friends who loved her.
*I've found that laughter is something I must have.
*I've found that life holds no guarantees so I'd better use it up.

Another loss that hasn't had time to present its founds.

If given the chance I'd gladly reclaim all of the things and people lost but want to also keep the things & people I've found. So I will hold the memories of those lost close, cherish the gifts they have left behind.

And then -

they won't be lost after all.