Detour to Full-circle

Hello my friends,

Thanks for stopping by again.

I'm warning you now, today's blog may seem like a bit of a ramble so I will understand if you click the little "x" now and read no further.

In the early 1990s I was dating someone and although I've managed to forget a lot of the details, I recall enough to know it wasn't a relationship destined for greatness (or longevity). Through recent discussions with this person via FB chat, I have realized that it was probably his warped sense of humor that drew me in to begin with. His reasons for participating in the relationship are his own. What I do know is that there are no accidents in life. Through my time with him I discovered something about myself that changed my life.

When his work took him to NC for several weeks he invited me for a weekend visit and we went to Cape Hatteras (in the Outerbanks). On Sunday morning as we prepared to drive back inland for my return home, I took a moment and went to stand looking out at the sea one more time. Although I had been on a cruise, I had never before been to the beach. I was surprised by how much like HOME it felt. I never wanted to leave. If, at that moment, someone had offered me the option to live forever right where I was standing, I would have accepted with no questions asked.

Have you ever been homesick for a place that wasn't home? By the time I arrived at work the following morning, I was determined. I remember my boss walking into the office to find me gazing at an atlas. "What are you doing?" he asked. "Looking for a place to live," I responded. He quirked an eyebrow at me and said, "you know, MOST people use the classifieds for that." Throughout the day we discussed different places along the Eastern seaboard that might suit my needs.

I went to visit a friend in Florida to see what I thought (remember I'd never been there before). I loved it. While I was there I purchased a small gold dolphin pendent which I placed on a chain around my neck and made the oath to wear the necklace until I relocated.

Fast forward a few months and I was living in Orlando. I chose Orlando because it was 45 minutes from several beaches but also because there was an office for the FDIC there and since I had worked for them before I targeted it as my future employer. I moved in September. I had no job. I didn't know many people there (although a few of my former coworkes from the FDIC in K'ville had relocated to the area I almost never saw them). It wasn't until early December that I was hired but I didn't care. I knew where I wanted to live and I knew where I wanted to work.

I loved that job until the day it ended. It was the best job I ever had. And although I desperately missed seasons while living in 'endless summer', I never grew tired of spending days or weekends at the beach.

When life took me to New Jersey, I was happy. I was still no more than 2 hours from the beach and some of my best memories of my years in the state were created in Ocean City.

Standing on that beach in Cape Hatteras in 1991 I KNEW I never wanted to live more than a couple of hours from the ocean again. In the chaos of sadness over losing my mom, my job, my darling companion-cat Tyler, and more, I also lost sight of that soul-affirming connection to the sea.

So here it is...almost 20 years later and once again I'm remembering that "home" isn't necessarily an address. But it is a feeling.

And I'm going to check my jewelry box for that dolphin pendent. Because maybe, just maybe, this will be the year I return to living near the sea. Wish me luck :)

A friend who is an expert in helping people find their connection to nature recently commented on how we all have our natural places. For some it is the mountains. For others the sea. Or perhaps it's the big city or a small town or a farm out in the middle of Nebraska. Where is your's? And are you there now? Or do you dream of being there? If it's still only a dream, what is holding you back from pursuing it?